I've been thinking about it a lot lately, not so much as a bell ringing but more like the phone... all the phone calls that we answer in life that hold an unknown outcome in that split second of rushing to answer it. Most of us don't give it a second thought. The phone rings and we answer but really we never know when a simple thing like answering the phone is going to change life as we know it....
The last year or two has been full of ringing phones that ended up altering our lives and the outcomes have left me at a loss for words to write on this little blog you are reading. It's not that I haven't had a lot to say. If anything I have had so much to say that I haven't been able to simplify my thoughts to get them out in word form. And the more time that passes, the harder it is to come back. I didn't even really think anyone would miss my ramblings but I got a card in the mail (yes that ancient for of communication that is being lost in our society!) that proved me wrong. It was a from a friend that isn't on facebook (good for her! lol) and she was writing to say that she missed my blog writings. I had left her wondering if I'd ever learned how to use my loom, had our fairy garden grown and how our animals were doing, including our newest addition Rudy ( I'll fill you in on him soon I promise!) . It got me to thinking of all the blogs that I have followed thru the years and the people behind them that I felt became like friends... only to have them leave their blogs sometimes unannounced and I've missed them....
And so, I sit here wanting to catch you up on all the phone ringing that has changed our course in the last year or so. I really don't mean to remember things in such detail but my mind just does it. It is something I am trying to let go of so maybe in writing it down I will be able to. Through everything we've had in the last year, I just hope that my actions have in some way been able to be a testimony to God. I don't know how I'd have gotten thru any of this without Him...
Really it began over two years ago when I was driving my girls to book club. My cell phone rang and I saw that it was my half- brother ( I don't like labels but to help explain family dynamics I will use them just this once.) My biological father had collapsed at work and was at the hospital. I remember the exact part of that road because I won't use my cell while I am driving so I had to pull over to talk. That call was a big one...
Then came the call that we had to move... in 6 weeks... with 48 eggs in the incubator and a small hobby farm to relocate. God was SO good in that whole situation. He had everything worked out in such detail...
There were numerous ringing of phones in regards to my father, like the one when he called to tell me it was brain cancer, and the one asking for prayers as he was having unexpected brain surgery while we were on the road traveling a few months later....
There was the call that we had lost my Great Aunt Sis and unfortunately so many more calls about family friends that are no longer with us either...
The biggest collection of phone calls started last spring... It was my daughter's 10th birthday and it was a beautiful sunny day. Yet again, I got a call from my brother and my father had had a stroke....
A month later, I was sitting at my sewing machine working on puppets having a wonderfully quiet morning to myself as the girls were still in bed. The phone rang and my life would never be the same. My aunt called to tell me that my father had a brain bleed and that this was it.... The phone call I got later in the day from my brother only confirmed it... my father was gone...
This is when I think I lost the words to write. I've been keeping my thoughts and feelings mostly to myself... well, myself and God. There's been a lot to talk about, just him and I. I wasn't sure how to move on in this blog space. I couldn't just pretend that this didn't happen but I didn't know how to explain it either. My thoughts and feelings run so much deeper than I could ever explain and the family history is anything but cut and dry. :)
Last fall came the call that our 16 year old niece was in car accident and that her life was ended all too soon and then just over a month ago we got the call that we were needed in KS for my husband's grandfather... we made it in time to spend his last two days on earth with him before his passing too...
I'm not telling you all of this to ask for pity, but I have to acknowledge the events of the last year so that I can somehow leave them there... in the past... so I can move on to the new plans God has for us.
I need to move on...the last year has been so full of grief and loss and I don't want to focus on that any more. Today is another beautiful day that God has given us and I want to live it to its fullest and in a way that gives Him all the glory.... to live in a way that pays tribute to all the people we have loved that aren't here any more.... to live in a way that that would make all those people proud... to give thanks everyday for those amazing people and for the memories we have of them....
Today is a new day and I am glad...