It was another busy day of activities for the kids. I was just getting home and sat down to catch up on things when I noticed the blinking on the phone.
We had a message.
The message was from a lady we know thru church. She had heard that we might be looking for a house to rent (our current landlord had mentioned maybe needing to sell) and wondered if we would be interested in checking out her parents' house. They had been moved into an assisted living facility and their house was sitting empty and would be in need of renters soon. My husband walked in in the middle of me calling her back and it was decided we would be meeting up in less than an hour to check it out. Talk about a leap of faith... we loved where we were living and didn't want to move but we also knew there wasn't much out there in the way of rentals for our area and definitely not a house that was in our budget AND allowed for us to bring along our close to zoo collection of critters....We had been living month to month just waiting for our landlord to give the word (or a ring!) that we needed to be out....It's in moments like these that we feel God the most. It's as if He is trying to steer us in whispers not yells. He is giving us the puzzle pieces but it's up to us to put them together and see the big picture, or at least a part of it. He was waiting for us to take the bait, to step out on faith... and we did.
Sometimes you never get to see the intricate details of God's plan. You might see his gentle course but not be able to see the why of something. We, however, saw the outcome of our stepping out on faith a mere week later... when our current landlord came to tell us he was putting the house on the market. God is so good to have this house lined up for us before we even thought we needed it.
It was decided that we would get all our ducks in a row ( no pun intended), which included a trip for me and the kids to see my parents and grandparents (Grammy and Papa) back east, while the lady from church got her parents' things moved out and the house ready for renters.
It had been over a year already since we were back to visit, and my Gram has been suffering from dementia and strokes. The thought of a move ahead of me, on top of being tired from our other recent life changes was just too much to think of putting off a visit any longer. So the kids and I got on a plane and dear hubby stayed home to work and care for all our critters.I had no idea that that trip too was in God's plan. Looking back, maybe he forced his hand in speeding up our move just so I would have to jump at the chance to go back "home"...before life would change more than I could ever imagine and my idea of going home would be forever altered...
July 29th I woke up to my home phone ringing....in a bleary state, we couldn't get to it in time. Then my cell started ringing and I knew that something was big....I heard my mom's voice on the other end and she was quickly telling me that my Gram was in the hospital again. I was listening as intently as I could being half asleep and yet wide awake with emotions but she might as well have been talking in Chinese. So much of that conversation I couldn't retain when my husband asked me for details only moments later. In a nut shell, we were losing her....I was losing my Gram, my idol, one of my lifelong best friends, one of my biggest supporters, the most amazing person and true Proverbs 31 woman.... A huge part of my heart was leaving this world and there was nothing I could do.
Times like this aren't moments you like to think about if you don't have to. It's not as if you can prepare or practice how you will feel or react. It just happens. Only we had been thru this kind of phone call a number of times in the last year or so, so I guess my mind did have it stored away somewhere of what I would have done differently if given a do-over with other loved ones we have lost. I had it in me enough to ask my mom to take the phone to her. I could hear my gram breathing, I was talking so loud in hopes that she would hear me saying "I love you" over and over...I was always ok to hang up from our conversations in the past, even the many times when she would forget how to hold the phone up for herself, if I knew that she at least heard me say I loved her....
I'd like to think she heard me one last time...
My Gram passed away a few hours later in the company of my mom, my papa/ her husband of 66 years and her pastor.
My life will never be the same as I know will be the same for anyone that ever met her, but we are trying to just keep moving. I'm working on another post to share here and will update this entry when I do ...
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