Real friends bring tea bags and toilet paper...

  I feel like I have lived a charmed life in some way, having never dealt with such huge losses in the way I have this last year. That's not to say I've never lost someone close to me because I have, but until last year it was much older family and never someone I've had such close relationships with. That being said, I have been learning a lot about the grieving process and how important it is to have friends that reach out at just the right time.

  Now, I don't want this blog to become something you dread reading. I don't want it to focus strictly on the losses my family has experienced this last couple years but on the other hand I don't want to ignore it either. I would rather be honest about thoughts and feelings and maybe help someone else that is going thru this or can relate. And don't get me wrong, there have been many blessing in our lives too and continues to be, intermixed with the sadness. Not to worry, we are taking notice of the blessings along the way too. But some days, the sadness just seeps in and seems to hover in my immediate area.There is no rhyme or reason and no pushing it away. Sometimes it just means having a blue day and allowing myself to feel it. It's not something that everyone can understand but when they do, it means alot.

Through all the loss and funerals and such, I've also witnessed some incredible kindness and love. I never realized how much it meant to get a sympathy card in the mail. How one little card can let a person know that someone else out there is thinking about them. The first sympathy card I got after my Gram's passing actually had a cloth hanky in it. Crisp and new and o so pretty. I ended up holding it thru most of the visitation and funeral as a reminder that I had people praying for us.

I don't know about you but  I know I never feel like I know exactly what to do when a friend loses someone. Will my meal be good enough? What if I show up and they are busy? I don't want to bother them. How can I help without getting in the way?

 Through all this, I have learned that it doesn't have to be some grand gesture, some perfect act of kindness... it just needs to be SOMETHING.... Even if it isn't the food you would normally eat, when a meal shows up at your door you welcome it in and enjoy it because you know that the person who made it or brought it just wanted to help and lighten your load. When my husband's grandfather passed away, their church family flooded us with food. Some in the form of meals and some that I would consider to be more filler- cases of water, cases of individual orange juice bottles, chips, breakfast foods and yes.... toilet paper! I can remember laughing about the toilet paper... but when you really think about it, it was brilliant! Within a matter of days of his grandfather taking a turn for the worse, my husband's aunt and uncle had 6 extra people staying with them and certainly no time to go stock up on things like toilet paper! All of those little things were lifesavers....

More recently, when my gram passed away, my mom's house was also overwhelmed with food. Friends from all directions brought in lunch meat platters, fried chicken with salad choices, and they all rallied to have a hot meal delivered for about a week after the funeral. Knowing that we had to eat was obvious but if we had had to make it, I really don't know that any of us would have gone to the effort. In times like that, you just go numb...

Some of things that were brought that really stood out to me weren't things I would have ever thought of. We got there (from west coast to east coast) within 3 days and already my mom's friends had her freezer full of frozen waffles/pancakes, her counters covered in breakfast cereals and a huge bag of misc tea bags waiting for those quiet moments that were sure to come. I think her friends probably felt pretty helpless and just went into their own personal cupboards and freezers to find things they thought we could use. I picture them in a hurry to help, arms reaching into their own kitchens so intent on getting to my mom's side.... Isn't that what we are supposed to do? As friends, family and Christians... aren't we supposed to just pull together and help comfort or sometimes hold up each other when we need it? It was all those little things that I think about when I am having a hard day. I took  a picture of the tea bags because at the time, they really struck a cord with me. They were something so simple but so sweet and thoughtful.





On the day of the visitation, it was pretty much a constant sea of friends and family pouring in the doors of that beautiful old funeral home.  Some were friends I hadn't seen in nearly 30 years, while some were friends from my parents' church who had never even met my gram but had traveled great distances to be there for our family. I have never really been one for going to funerals or viewings for people I don't know incredibly well but I have to say, I learned something thru this experience. I've learned that it's really not about the person that died... its about all the people left behind and that's not just including their immediate families. When you think about all the people that are touched by the life of one person.... there are so many people that are left to grieve when they are gone. Going to that visitation, seeing the family and friends that you don't get to see on a regular basis and getting to hear the stories and catch up on their lives too... that is so much a part of the healing process...


I guess what I'm trying to say, is that when you feel the need to reach out to someone who is having a rough day, or to someone that is hurting due to the loss of someone or just because of life that seems to be coming on too strong... follow that urge! If you meant to send a card but didn't and now it seems too late... send it! The healing doesn't happen over night, and many times the darkest hours are going to come long after the funerals are over and the meals/kindness have stopped.

I think one of the biggest problems in our world today is that we are so afraid of what others will think of us. I hope that people will look back on me as someone who cared... even to a fault. If each of us would just reach out to another person today, tomorrow and the next etc... can you imagine how much better our lives would be? That's what I try to remember on the hard days. When I look back on the many people we've lost in the last few years, I see people who cared. I see people who weren't afraid to reach out and help a friend. I see people who are no longer here on earth with us but I also carry the lessons they taught deep in my heart. I think we have all probably had people like that in our lives.... won't you join me in honoring them by doing something nice for someone else? Be the change...

I would love to hear back from anyone reading this. Feel free to share something thoughtful that someone else has done for you or something you did to reach out. It's not about bragging, but in sharing ideas. You'll never know how much your actions might inspire someone else...

     This blanket was a gift given to my Papa from the diner where 

he goes almost daily... 

6 of the workers came as a group to present it to him. 

You could literally feel the love walking in the door for him... 

                                   We should all be lucky enough to have friends like that!                                                                                                                  

Ringing in my ears...

I thought we were past all the ringing of bells, or rather the ringing of phones.... but life doesn't really seem to work that way does it? We seem to think if we can just get over this one little hurtle, life will even out, slow down and somehow get easier, right? .... Not so much...

It was another busy day of activities for the kids. I was just getting home and sat down to catch up on things when I noticed the blinking on the phone.

 We had a message.

The message was from a lady we know thru church. She had heard that we might be looking for a house to rent (our current landlord had mentioned maybe needing to sell) and wondered if we would be interested in checking out her parents' house. They had been moved into an assisted living facility and their house was sitting empty and would be in need of renters soon. My husband walked in in the middle of me calling her back and it was decided we would be meeting up in less than an hour to check it out. Talk about a leap of faith... we loved where we were living and didn't want to move but we also knew there wasn't much out there in the way of rentals for our area and definitely not a house that was in our budget AND allowed for us to bring along our close to zoo collection of critters....We had been living month to month just waiting for our landlord to give the word (or a ring!) that we needed to be out....It's in moments like these that we feel God the most. It's as if He is trying to steer us in whispers not yells. He is giving us the puzzle pieces but it's up to us to put them together and see the big picture, or at least a part of it. He was waiting for us to take the bait, to step out on faith... and we did.

Sometimes you never get to see the intricate details of God's plan. You might see his gentle course but not be able to see the why of something. We, however, saw the outcome of our stepping out on faith a mere week later... when our current landlord came to tell us he was putting the house on the market. God is so good to have this house lined up for us before we even thought we needed it.

It was decided that we would get all our ducks in a row ( no pun intended), which included a trip for me and the kids to see my parents and grandparents (Grammy and Papa) back east, while the lady from church got her parents' things moved out and the house ready for renters.

 It had been over a year already since we were back to visit, and my Gram has been suffering from dementia and strokes. The thought of a move ahead of me, on top of being tired from our other recent life changes was just too much to think of putting off a visit any longer. So the kids and I got on a plane and dear hubby stayed home to work and care for all our critters.



I had no idea that that trip too was in God's plan. Looking back, maybe he forced his hand in speeding up our move just so I would have to jump at the chance to go back "home"...before life would change more than I could ever imagine and my idea of going home would be forever altered...





July 29th I woke up to my home phone ringing....in a bleary state, we couldn't get to it in time. Then my cell started ringing and I knew that something was big....I heard my mom's voice on the other end and she was quickly telling me that my Gram was in the hospital again. I was listening as intently as I could being half asleep and yet wide awake with emotions but she might as well have been talking in Chinese. So much of that conversation  I couldn't retain when my husband asked me for details only moments later. In a nut shell, we were losing her....I was losing my Gram, my idol, one of my lifelong best friends, one of my biggest supporters, the most amazing person and true Proverbs 31 woman.... A huge part of my heart was leaving this world and there was nothing I could do.

 Times like this aren't moments you like to think about if you don't have to. It's not as if you can prepare or practice how you will feel or react. It just happens. Only we had been thru this kind of phone call a number of times in the last year or so, so I guess my mind did have it stored away somewhere of what I would have done differently if given a do-over with other loved ones we have lost. I had it in me enough to ask my mom to take the phone to her. I could hear my gram breathing, I was talking so loud in hopes that she would hear me saying "I love you" over and over...I was always ok to hang up from our conversations in the past, even the many times when she would forget how to hold the phone up for herself, if I knew that she at least heard me say I loved her....

I'd like to think she heard me one last time...

My Gram passed away a few hours later in the company of my mom, my papa/ her husband of 66 years and her pastor.

My life will never be the same as I know will be the same for anyone that ever met her, but we are trying to just keep moving. I'm working on another post to share here and will update this entry when I do ...

If memories ring true

They have the saying "saved by the bell" but is all that ringing really saving us from something or just inching us along in God's big plan for our lives....

I've been thinking about it a lot lately, not so much as a bell ringing but more like the phone... all the phone calls that we answer in life that hold an unknown outcome in that split second of rushing to answer it. Most of us don't give it a second thought. The phone rings and we answer but really we never know when a simple thing like answering the phone is going to change life as we know it....

The last year or two has been full of ringing phones that ended up altering our lives and the outcomes have left me at a loss for words to write on this little blog you are reading. It's not that I haven't had a lot to say. If anything I have had so much to say that I haven't been able to simplify my thoughts to get them out in word form. And the more time that passes, the harder it is to come back. I didn't even really think anyone would miss my ramblings but I got a card in the mail (yes that ancient for of communication that is being lost in our society!) that proved me wrong. It was a from a friend that isn't on facebook (good for her! lol) and she was writing to say that she missed my blog writings. I had left her wondering if I'd ever learned how to use my loom, had our fairy garden grown and  how our animals were doing, including our newest addition Rudy ( I'll fill you in on him soon I promise!) . It got me to thinking of all the blogs that I have followed thru the years and the people behind them that I felt became like friends... only to have them leave their blogs sometimes unannounced and I've missed them....

And so, I sit here wanting to catch you up on all the phone ringing that has changed our course in the last year or so. I really don't mean to remember things in such detail but my mind just does it. It is something I am trying to let go of so maybe in writing it down I will be able to. Through everything we've had in the last year, I just hope that my actions have in some way been able to be a testimony to God. I don't know how I'd have gotten thru any of this without Him...

Really it began over two years ago when I was driving my girls to book club. My cell phone rang and I saw that it was my half- brother ( I don't like labels but to help explain family dynamics I will use them just this once.) My biological father had collapsed at work and was at the hospital. I remember the exact part of that road because I won't use my cell while I am driving so I had to pull over to talk. That call was a big one...

Then came the call that we had to move... in 6 weeks... with 48 eggs in the incubator and a small hobby farm to relocate. God was SO good in that whole situation. He had everything worked out in such detail...

There were numerous ringing of phones in regards to my father, like the one when he called to tell me it was brain cancer, and the one asking for prayers as he was having unexpected brain surgery while we were on the road traveling a few months later....

There was the call that we had lost my Great Aunt Sis and unfortunately so many more calls about family friends that are no longer with us either...

The biggest collection of phone calls started last spring... It was my daughter's 10th birthday and it was a beautiful sunny day. Yet again, I got a call from my brother and my father had had a stroke....

A month later, I was sitting at my sewing machine working on puppets having a wonderfully quiet morning to myself as the girls were still in bed. The phone rang and my life would never be the same. My aunt called to tell me that my father had a brain bleed and that this was it.... The phone call I got later in the day from my brother only confirmed it... my father was gone...

This is when I think I lost the words to write. I've been keeping my thoughts and feelings mostly to myself... well, myself and God. There's been a lot to talk about, just him and I. I wasn't sure how to move on in this blog space. I couldn't just pretend that this didn't happen but I didn't know how to explain it either. My thoughts and feelings run so much deeper than I could ever explain and the family history is anything but cut and dry. :)

Last fall came the call that our 16 year old niece was in car accident and that her life was ended all too soon and then just over a month ago we got the call that we were needed in KS for my husband's grandfather... we made it in time to spend his last two days on earth with him before his passing too...

I'm not telling you all of this to ask for pity, but I have to acknowledge the events of the last year so that I can somehow leave them there... in the past... so I can move on to the new plans God has for us.

 I need to move on...the last year has been so full of grief and loss and I don't want to focus on that any more. Today is another beautiful day that God has given us and I want to live it to its fullest and in a way that gives Him all the  glory.... to live in a way that pays tribute to all the people we have loved that aren't here any more.... to live in a way that that would make all those people proud... to give thanks everyday for those amazing people and for the memories we have of them....

Today is a new day and I am glad...