It all started when the girls and I went on the quest to find acini de pepe pasta for our Sweet and Sour Maggot Salad that we are taking to a Halloween party tomorrow. After trying both the commissary and Albertson's we headed across town to Market Street. We walked in like any other shoppers, got a cart and headed towards the natural section of lotions, medicines etc. That smell hit me and I got a lump in my throat...now you are probably thinking I am crazy (I know Jason's aunt did when I mentioned something like this in Whole Foods one time) but there is this distinct smell that only a health food store has. I wish I knew what it was so I could bottle it! Is it something in particular or is it a combination of a lot of things mixed together? Nevertheless, that smell is what took me back to Alaska in my mind. Flashes of pictures were going thru my head...Natural Pantry, Carrs...Fred Meyers...Saturday market, Mountain Mary's....ahh.... (Yes I know that at least one person reading this thinks I am crazy, another probably is laughing and if I am lucky maybe someone can relate) Is there anyone that knows what this smell is and how I can get some to bring home!? :)
After FINALLY finding the pasta, and another variation of my chai tea "(heaven forbid they keep the same brand in stock!) we headed to the torture zone otherwise known as the fish counter. The girls and I stood there ooo-ing and ah-ing over all the sights we saw. J loved the crablegs (although she won't eat them) and R was tremendously interested in the clams...I however was scanning the beautiful selection of fish for little signs that read "Wild Caught, Product of the USA and (my favorite) Alaskan!" They had puny looking halibut on sale for $14 lb and some very pretty salmon (farm raised and color added !#%+~!) but what really jumped out to me was the Alaskan wild caught Cod on sale for $3.99lb! Now I know that this fish doesn't measure up to real Alaskan fish in any way shape or form but here in Texas I have to be happy with what I can get! So, we bought enough for dinner and went off to find something to compliment it. I even broke down and bought the little package of Cajun Salmon Spread "(color added-what a crock!) to complete the Alaskan themed meal! We were walking thru all the beautiful colors of apples and their nice (at least for Texas standards) selection of organic veggies, when THEY started....the tears just came on me without warning. I promise that I wasn't wallowing in the state we are in...those days of truly hating everything associate with Texas are few and far between now and even as I stood crying in a supermarket I wasn't thinking about hate or disgust but just about how much I truly want to go home...
I think my yearning for home (AKA Alaska) gets worse this time of year because I know that the seasons are changing there and that it is so vastly different than here. I think of all the comforts that I can't have...like waking up to the silent wonder of a first snowfall, wool sweaters to cut out the wind and the festivals and bazaars that are soon to follow. And I know that in less than a year, I am going to have to leave even here, a place I have hated so much but have grown to be content, and start all over....again...
My question to whom ever may be reading this is....Are you ever really happy and in love with where you are? Having traveled around all my life, I don't know what its like to grow up in the house my parents brought me home to, graduate with the friends I went to high school with or even get job in the town I went to college...I have lots of places I have lived but only one that was really truly home. I am lucky for that I know but still heartbroken at the loss.
Sometimes I feel like Susan, Lucy, Edmond and Peter the very first time they stepped thru the wardrobe and into Narnia. There is a beauty that can't be described. Alaska is my Narnia. I have seen Eden in the water, mountains and trees of Alaska but I still wonder if it was real or just a dream...
This was the view from our deck...it's what I think of every time we watch Narnia!
