Can't you see it?

It's been almost two years since my obsession with little dogs began. If you are new to this blog you might want to start reading here first to get the whole story... Once again, I have had this eerie feeling that the stars are adjusting themselves and God is smiling down on us in great favor lately...

In light of my past postings about little dogs, it's no secret that for two years I have felt this hole in our lives that could only be filled by a little furry being... oh sure, I know how lucky I am to have the family that I have and the life that we live however I still have still felt this yearning that I can't discribe... Those feels came to a head last weekend.

I've been looking at dogs, secretly for months on Petfinder and Craigslist. Not really saying anything out loud to DH until a month or so ago when a friend sent me pictures of a little dog in Missouri. For some reason, that little furball really spoke to me and I had everything worked out in my mind as to how we would get him north! :) DH didn't go for it tho... so I started looking locally again with a vengence and started sending little "hints" to DH's email... lol Yeah, subtle is not one of my strengths! lol I would just send an email with a link and never mention it again.... I figured that if the pictures spoke to him then it would be the right time and I would just know....So... I waited patiently, or at least as patiently as I get haha! And nothing was said!  I didn't even know if he was getting my emails! lol I finally said a few bigger hints and then I at least got a response that told me he'd been getting them but not really the reaction I was hoping for! I had pretty much given up when we were talking to my mom on the phone about her newest love and I brought up a craigslist ad in front of DH on the computer....

When we hung up the phone from talking to my mom, he just casually said "He's cute, why don't you call about him?"

WHAT!?!?!?!? Did I hear him right? Take a deep breath.... maybe I'm imagining things, could this really be happening?!


As you can tell, I was a bit surprised and my mind was is overload!!!  So, I emailed and got all the questions answered that I wanted and set up a time for the owner to come by the next day!  Holy cow did that really happen? I think I am still in a bit of shock! The owner was a very sweet gal who just wanted the best for her dog. She found that she was working 12+ hour days and he was spending way too much time alone in his kennel.... So, she wanted to find him the best home she could and required a home visit to ensure he was going to the right family. This all transpired on the same day that we tried out our new church so you can see why we feel the warm glow of God showing favor on us...

But I'm getting ahead of myself...she brought him for a visit, and stayed for about 2 hours I think. You could tell it was hard for her to leave him and I was afraid that she might change her mind... but he really did seem happy here, and of course the girls were just crazy about him. Karma didn't seem to care in the least and DH.... well, you could tell he was trying to be the strong and silent type saying not much more than "He's cute" the whole time but I could tell he was interested and couldn't wait to start bonding too...
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Now for the freaky part....as I mentioned, it's been almost two years since we "lost" Remi. It was the 30th of January, just two weeks before Valentine's day.... and this new little love of mine was born that February. Yeah, try to soak that one in....I knew even then that there was a bigger purpose. I just re-read my entry from the day we got the phone callfrom Remi's owners, and even then I knew that there was a reason we had to love a little dog only to lose her... I just never could have imagined that it was for a puppy that would be born and raised nearly 2000 miles away!!!

Once again this comes to mind... :)

Isaiah 43:19 (New Living Translation)
For I am about to do something new.
See, I have already begun! Do you not see it?

  And so...that is how Linus came to live with us... isn't he a dear!? lol This picture was taken the first day we had him... Karma hadn't had the chance to warn him about the girls' love of dress-up time! ha!

Being a grown up...

...STINKS! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Sorry, I know it's not very grown-up to yell like that but if I did if for real I think the neighbors might get upset. I feel like my heart has been so battered and bruised lately and I know the girls are going thru it right along with me. I don't even know how to put into words what I am feeling accept helpless and sad...where to start....

After the whole ordeal with Remi and then not getting that little puppy that we drove to Ft Worth to get, I feel like this whole process of getting another dog has been such a mess and so NOT the picture perfect event it was supposed to be. Miley is a wonderful dog but from the very begining we just haven't felt like we "clicked". We have tried to convince ourselves that she was meant to be ours and that it was better to have a not-so-little dog. Maybe we're really not a little dog kind of family. I really do like her, she is a real sweetheart and it has been a better transition than I could have ever hoped for , however her and Karma have been having issues for almost a week now and they aren't going away. At first it started over food the girls were dropping from the table or feeding them in the livingroom watching tv. By the sounds of it, you would think they are killing each other when in fact they aren't even touching each other but rather just growling like mad. We've made sure they are on different sides of the room to eat, told the girls to not feed them at all and now they still seem to break into these bouts of growling that come out of no where! They have never acted out any of this aggression towards people but I know that it would only take once of the girls getting in the way and I don't think I could live with myself if something happened. On the other hand, I feel like a failure and a quiter and I second guess everything. Did we rush into it because we were so upset at not getting the puppy we thought we were? Am I being too particular and expecting too much?

Last night a friend of mine and I were talking and she mentioned that they were looking for a dog....They don't have any other animals and are looking for a smaller dog for their kids. It took me a day to work up the courage (and long talks iwth Jason) to offer Miley to them....I love her and hate to see her go but on the other hand I have to look out for my kids and Karma first, but that doesn't make this choice any easier, especially seeing the hurt on Janie's face when we explained it all to her...making grown up choices stinks!

Something's missing

How is it that a little dog, that I'd never guess I'd love, could take over our lives, hearts and home? It makes me smile when I think about her, more happy than sad...There is an unspoken feeling in our house today. Jason has given me more hugs than even usual and I find myself telling the girls I love them even more than usual too...like somehow that will make the hurt and longing go away. Last night, after they picked her up, my wonderful hubby even drove across town to get my favorite pizza. I feel this loss, but at the same time a sense of happy. Happy that she was so excited to see her owner, Happy that he seemed so sincere and Happy at the thought of a puppy that he promised us....I feel like we did a good thing taking care of her. She was brighter than anything I could have hope for coming back from vacation to a place we were far from excited to return. For three weeks, I was focused on happy things and not wallowing in the sad...that's how I want to continue my days...She gave us so much....

A moment of calm

I know you'll all be wondering and for the time being I am having a moment of calm and optimism...

I got a phone call last night from the owner of Remi (Ragamuffin) asking if he could come get her. It seems he had asked his sister (our neighbor) to come and get her a week and a half or so ago and he just found out last night that she hadn't. He went on to apologize and offer us a puppy for free if she has one. He explained that his family has been in housing limbo while his son has been in the hospital. The little boy was born with only half a heart so they have been in Ft Worth with him...he seemed genuinely sorry for us having her this long and was nice enough to let us keep her until this evening. Jason wasn't home last night, he had class, and I wanted him to be here for the girls sake (and mine)so he's coming this evening to get her. I still feel numb/sick and it was so hard to explain it to Janie. It's funny tho, while I was talking to her and trying to explain that we did a good thing taking care of her when she needed it and that sometimes we have to do things just because they are right and not because we are going to get anything out of it- giving her the pep talk I was giving myself one too.

Let night I was not in the frame of mind to look on the bright side, or to have faith that this all happened for a reason, I just needed to sulk and cry. Jason came home and I had to go over it all with him too and we talked it all out and all the reasons that this happened to us and to her. This morning I am feeling a little bit better about it and I'm trying to keep the faith that God knows why this happened and that it's always easy to have faith when things are going good. I am trying very hard to have faith when I don't understand why. God always knows the bigger picture and his plans for us are always bigger and greater than anything we can imagine....I kind of think that maybe we had to love her so we could be open to another little dog that needs us. I would have never even looked let alone considered a little dog. To be honest I wasn't even looking at anything that wasn't a yellow lab. I have felt this void and empty spot in our house since Koda's passing and I couldn't see that maybe that empty spot could be filled by someone smaller...Maybe God knows there is a dog out there that will need us and we would have missed out on it because I had blinders on. Or maybe, this is one of those things that just happens and we have to take it at face value- we had three great weeks with a loving dog that needed love...

The saga continues

I have decided that holding ones breath only gives you a headache and in our case heartache too... I'm sorry but I just don't have the words or energy to explain it all but please send extra prayers...we are all going to have a pretty crappy day...We knew this could happen...I promise to explain when I can breath deeply again...

Holding our breath

It seems like our "Saga of Remi" may be coming to an end. I've been trying to cover my bases and have talked to everyone I know to possibly call. Last Wednesday I called both the Humane Society and Animal Control and they both said that basically she is ours. When I asked Animal Control what the time line was for an animal becoming officially a stray and she said that the moment she stepped off the neighbors property without tags and we felt that she needed cared for! The only catch would be if they called the cops and accused us of stealing her! (Can you imagine!?)
SO... this morning I called the police department, no they didn't even laugh at me, and asked them for their advice too. The woman at the front desk told me that after contacting them about "their" dog twice, I didn't need to try again and should just consider her ours! She said to document everything (thankyou blogging) and asked if I took pictures (laugh!). She said that she didn't see how they would ever come back and try to take her and if they did then we had more than enough to prove neglect! I am just beside myself and don't feel like it's even real but still feel a lightness in my step and attitude today. It's a dark, rainy and gloomy day but it's the best I've felt in such a long time!
I've gotten laundry done, dishes, vaccuuming, rearranged the livingroom yet again and quite a bit of sewing done in the short time I've gotten to work on it! I feel so accomplished and look at the world in a better light....I am just so glad we get to make her life better because I already know she's making ours better too!

Living in the moment

I know it's been a few days since I wrote...we still don't know anything about Remi. That's what we decided to name her. I'm just tired of calling her "little dog". We've had no contact with the neighbors, she's been here for two weeks on Friday. I can't believe they aren't missing her! She's such a joy! I feel like we're in such limbo and I really don't know what to do! I just keep hoping that something will just work it's way out...Any advice?

I've got pretty much everything worked out in my mind if they ever say we can have her....first a trip to Micheals to get her a new basket that fits her better and then to the pet store for another little sweater (they are dirt cheap on the clearence right now! lol)...then on to the vets for shots etc (I figure that would probably take a day or so to get an appointment) and last but not least...the groomers...oh how I want to take her to get beautified! Her insides are already so beautiful, I just want her outsides to match!

Didn't have the heart

I know a few of you are probably wondering how things are going with our visitor and it's been a few days since I wrote an update. I just didn't have the heart to put it in print...somehow that makes things manifest themselves to be true and I'm still just not quite ready to give up hope...

We finally got to talk to the neighbor and breifly to her brother who "owns" the dog. He said that he paid $350 for her and has papers on her...he bought her to breed! Ya know how sometimes you meet someone and think "This person should never have children"? Well, I think that some people should never be allowed to have pets let alone breed animals!!! I just don't get it! Why would a person spend that much on a dog and then not take care of it?! He said that if he gave her away his wife would be upset with him (has she seen the shape of this dog!?#@!?) but that he'd bring us a puppy if she's pregnant! Can you imagine!? She's been running for who knows how long and if she is pregnant there would be no way of knowing what kind/s of dog the father was!!!!!! The guy was trying to get all the dogs out of our yard while standing on the other side of the fence so we never even saw his face but when Stephanie (our neighbor) told him that we'd been taking care of Rag-a-muffin (the dog) he said thanks and that it was fine that she just stay over here....What kind of dog owner/breeder (haha) could knowingly let their dog be cared for by a complete stranger!!!!! So, as things stand right now she is still in our house and has been exclusively since last Saturday. The owner is supposed to be leaving our neighbor's house in the next few days (as of two days ago) but we haven't heard a peep from them still! I am just sick and the girls are heart broken....but still a little part of me still has hope. She is inside all the time now...if I let her out she goes straight out to the bathroom and comes back moments later scratching at the door...and it's too stinkin' cold to let her stay outside all the time...I just don't understand some people...

I've been trying to put into words why I am drawn to this little mess of fur and even now I'm not sure that I even totally understand it. I've been doing a lot of soul searching these days as to how I can improve our home and my outlook on life in general and I guess you could say I had an ah-ha moment (as Oprah says) while watching Oprah today. I can't even remember anything that was said in particular but they were talking about spritual things and how we can absorb more of what is good when we are quiet and look forward instead of looking back.....I guess it hit a nerve with me. Since this dog showed up, I've only been thinking about the life we could give her, not the parts of our life that are missing (Alaska). I was listening to the show and had a light go off that I think I've been looking at this little dog and feeling true hope...not a hope that I tell myself to feel , but genuine hope....at that moment I looked down and she was sitting at my feet intently watching me put dishes away and her little face lit up when we made eye contact...she felt it too...

With every day that passes I get a little more hopeful. She's still here, maybe they will change their minds, and if not- they'll have to come to my front door and watch the girls say goodbye...

She looks like I feel most of the time and I want us both to feel and look better...if only we can hold onto the hope...please keep sending prayers out...my faith is in Him.

Baby steps

I know that pictures won't do her justice but she is looking so much better! There are some nasty knots at the opening of her ears that I just haven't been ready to tackle. Her ears are so thin I don't want to clip the wrong thing! After that is taken care of she will be knot free and I think her over all appearance will be even better! That and we didnt' have a brush for a small dog, we got one now and it is helping too!

When I was done clipping off all the matted fur, it looked like we had a fur dog rug on the patio! How gross! I was able to fill a gallon ziplock bag with her fur! It's such a shame that the fur is so nasty- I can see how dog fur could make great felt and yarn. From the underside of the matted hair it was really pretty and soft! lol

We still haven't heard a word from the neighbors, even tho she's pretty much been here for three days. She'll go over there occasionally but always comes right back over. I have a towel made into a bed for her out there on the porch but it's been too stinkin' cold for her to sleep outside....even Jason has let her in the house when I wasn't looking...Please send extra prayers out to her owners that they let her stay....she's already working her way into our hearts....

What a difference a day makes...

After the entire family sat on the back porch shivering in the cold and bundled in sweaters this morning with the dog, Jason quietly snuck back into the house and said he'd be back. He was going to the neighbors to talk to them. Even at the time, his silence said so much. I could tell that this man of steel had been touched by this little life...

The owner wasn't home but her live-in mother was. She acted as if she were afraid he was there to turn them in for having dogs (we don't think they are allowed to). Jason assured her that he didn't care and tried to stress that we rather enjoyed having the little one over and that our girls had grown fond of her. She said that they were only taking care of the dogs for a short time for someone that was ill and the dogs were just too much. Jason offered that if they couldn't handle all the dogs that we'd be happy to take the little one in and of course she was shocked. But that was all that was said. Jason asked her if she'd mind if we cleaned her up and she said that what ever was fine....so....we began the ultimate doggy make-over...

The parts I am holding up are her ears, the rest is matted up fur, poor thing!

The unexpected

For months now, we have been discussing the idea of getting another dog. I am just lost without Koda and have felt like something is missing no matter how much I adore Karma. We've called on a few dogs but nothing has worked out and we've been so on the fence that we've pretty much tabled the idea. I just keep praying that if we are meant to have another dog that it will work out and that it will in some way find us...That's what made yesterday so hard...

I started out the day like any other...trying to figure out what to do and just how much I could get accomplished. I had started taking down the decorations and was going out to the barn to dig out more boxes so I could tackle the tree....that's when I saw the neighbors' big white dog in our yard barking at me and nearby was another little dog, so nasty and grudgy that I couldn't tell what it was! I yelled at the big one to go home and it finally retreated under the fence through the hole it had dug but the little one lagged behind. I called it over and was so horrified by the shape she was in that I feared she only had one eye because of the way the matting had covered her face. I couldn't see but only one eye, not even her nose or her mouth but she quickly came over to me and within seconds was laying belly up at my feet. It makes me want to cry at the thought of a dog being that neglected...She looks like she has 4+ ears because of the big matts of fur sticking of the top of her head. She could easily have 8 legs for the extra knots she has hanging next to each leg and it almost looks as if she has an extra limb protruding from her side only once again, it's just fur. She has the sweetest little spirit and lights up (as much as she can in her state) when the girls even look in her direction...

I talked to the son thru the fence later in the day and was asking if her got a new dog. I had been seeing the big white one in our yard for some time now but the little one had only been showing up since we'd returned from our trip. He said that the big dog (Peek-a-boo) was his uncles dog and that the little one was his grandma's. So, now we knew she is theirs...and I'm so sick to know that I don't have the right to clean her up (which would take ALOT!) and bring her in to love her. She did finally go back over there around dinner time after spending the entire day at our house.

THEN, this morning we wake up to find THREE dogs in our yard! The original two and another one. This one isn't in nearly as bad of shape but could definately use a bath too! lol It also has a collar on, which the other little one did not. So maybe this dog is the grandma's and not "Licker" as Janie has taken to calling her? As you know, I am all for animal rights and in a group or on paper I would fight to the death but as one person and a neighbor I don't know very well at all I feel helpless....I was up half the night worrying about her out in the wind and the cold and I want so badly to just bring her in and clean her up. Please say a little prayer for this pup and us too that we have the strength to know what to do... :)