Sunday, August 24, 2008
It's really here...
From the time I was pregnant with her I never really even considered that we would be anything but a homeschooling family. Jason and I agreed from the very start on it and he has been nothing but supportive ever since...but all talk is one thing. That day as really come and tomorrow we are embarking into this amazing adventure of homeschooling and I can't help but feel a bit of overwhelming terror mixed in with the excitement, along with an urge to hyperventilate! We are starting Kindergarten a year early as it is because she is just so advanced in the way she learns things and I feel this intense pressure to do it just perfect (which I know is impossible) Everyone I know has been great and reassuring but I guess I have just been taken over by the last minute jitters....I've researched, organized, grocery shopped for projects and did a last minute job of rearranging the playroom so that when she wakes up tomorrow she will feel different...she will feel like a Kindergartener!!! Please say an extra prayer that God will give me the courage and strength to do it right...she deserved only the very best and I just hope I can live up to that!
Friday, August 15, 2008
Lettuce Remember
Who would ever think that something as lame as cleaning a few heads of romaine lettuce could give me a warm fuzzy of sorts and effect the rest of my day for the better...
It's been one of those days, the kids are screaming, the repairman comes, the cleaning never seems to end. And yet, I feel this overwelming sense of accomplishment. I've needed that feeling for awhile now. I've been really struggling with the whole simplifying our life process even though it really is something I want to achieve for us as a family. Nevertheless, the constant work I am putting into it is making me tired, cranky and frustrated. There is just too much clutter in our house, our life and my mind at any given moment. The biggest part of it all is how miserable we are here and the everyday struggle to try and be happy where we are (to coin the phrase "bloom where you are planted" rings a bell) without letting go of the hope, no the expectancy of someday soon getting to go back home to Alaska. I don't want to look back on the years we've spent here and think that I wasted so much time or missed out on so much with the girls. I want us to have good memories here too.
I got the girls settled in with their lunch and was starting in on mine (a salad) when I had visions of a friend of ours, Penny, cleaning romaine lettuce at her sink much like I was cleaning it at mine. It was like a porthole of memories from a life that seems like another world away from here....Going to Penny and Jon's house for dinner was something that I would drop ANYTHING for. It was an event that was sure to be momentus in the fact that we enjoyed their company so much we didn't even have to be doing anything special. There was something great about going and sitting in Penny's kitchen at the isle and watching her put together one of her masterpiece dinners. We would drink (she introduced me to white Russians- thanks Penny!) and laugh and just hang out. I don't know if having people over stressed her out or not but if it did you would never know it by the way she was always just so layed back and inviting. Theirs is one of the homes in Alaska that I want to emulate in mine...it's a feeling of feeling safe that I want our kids to feel when they are at home and a feeling I hope our visitors feel when they walk in the door to ours. I don't know if I got that feeling because of the house itself, which I doubt since I couldn't tell you much about it, or if it came more from the warm friendship we found in a cold and blustery wilderness we know as life in Alaska.
It's been one of those days, the kids are screaming, the repairman comes, the cleaning never seems to end. And yet, I feel this overwelming sense of accomplishment. I've needed that feeling for awhile now. I've been really struggling with the whole simplifying our life process even though it really is something I want to achieve for us as a family. Nevertheless, the constant work I am putting into it is making me tired, cranky and frustrated. There is just too much clutter in our house, our life and my mind at any given moment. The biggest part of it all is how miserable we are here and the everyday struggle to try and be happy where we are (to coin the phrase "bloom where you are planted" rings a bell) without letting go of the hope, no the expectancy of someday soon getting to go back home to Alaska. I don't want to look back on the years we've spent here and think that I wasted so much time or missed out on so much with the girls. I want us to have good memories here too.
I got the girls settled in with their lunch and was starting in on mine (a salad) when I had visions of a friend of ours, Penny, cleaning romaine lettuce at her sink much like I was cleaning it at mine. It was like a porthole of memories from a life that seems like another world away from here....Going to Penny and Jon's house for dinner was something that I would drop ANYTHING for. It was an event that was sure to be momentus in the fact that we enjoyed their company so much we didn't even have to be doing anything special. There was something great about going and sitting in Penny's kitchen at the isle and watching her put together one of her masterpiece dinners. We would drink (she introduced me to white Russians- thanks Penny!) and laugh and just hang out. I don't know if having people over stressed her out or not but if it did you would never know it by the way she was always just so layed back and inviting. Theirs is one of the homes in Alaska that I want to emulate in mine...it's a feeling of feeling safe that I want our kids to feel when they are at home and a feeling I hope our visitors feel when they walk in the door to ours. I don't know if I got that feeling because of the house itself, which I doubt since I couldn't tell you much about it, or if it came more from the warm friendship we found in a cold and blustery wilderness we know as life in Alaska.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Saturday, August 9, 2008
Growing pains...
Why is it that the pains of growing up never seem to stop? I expected the pains of growing up myself, the fights with girl friends, broken hearts from boyfriends etc. What I didn't see coming was the pain of watching my girls grow... As I write this I feel kind of silly but at the same time the emotions are so raw and very real that I feel pressed to get them out in words in hopes of lessoning the hurt.
For the last bit, as most of you already know, I have been really cleaning out our over abundance of "stuff". I truly want to be able to have a clean, clutter free house and I really do embrace the idea of a simpler life- it's just trying when it comes to letting go of the emotional attatchments I have on things. I recently heard of a family that is in great need for baby items which was just the motivation I needed to clean out and let go of things we're no longer using. It has been really freeing to make that stack of things in the garage grow and I have felt relief in knowing they are going to a good place.
Today was the big day to actually hand them over to my friend who is so graciously delivering the collection and unexpectedly I got this lump in my throat and I realized that I was giving away my baby things...the carseat that I brought both our girls home from the hospital in, the bouncy seat that they both had their first foods in and the ball toy that I remember watching a little boy I babysat play with and then both my girl too...why does it have to be so painful to give those things away? I wish I could be more carefree about this sort of thing and have less attachment to "things". I know they are just things and that I will always have the picture and the memories but I sit here and think of those things with no control of the tears coming down my cheeks. I am ok with the idea that we are done having babies but I guess it really became real today. Now it all comes down to the fact that I'm a grown woman crying over baby toys!!! I know they are going to a home that will love them as much as we did if not more and yet I am still sad. Only a mother could understand this kind of growing pains...or maybe it's just me and I'm going crazy!
For the last bit, as most of you already know, I have been really cleaning out our over abundance of "stuff". I truly want to be able to have a clean, clutter free house and I really do embrace the idea of a simpler life- it's just trying when it comes to letting go of the emotional attatchments I have on things. I recently heard of a family that is in great need for baby items which was just the motivation I needed to clean out and let go of things we're no longer using. It has been really freeing to make that stack of things in the garage grow and I have felt relief in knowing they are going to a good place.
Today was the big day to actually hand them over to my friend who is so graciously delivering the collection and unexpectedly I got this lump in my throat and I realized that I was giving away my baby things...the carseat that I brought both our girls home from the hospital in, the bouncy seat that they both had their first foods in and the ball toy that I remember watching a little boy I babysat play with and then both my girl too...why does it have to be so painful to give those things away? I wish I could be more carefree about this sort of thing and have less attachment to "things". I know they are just things and that I will always have the picture and the memories but I sit here and think of those things with no control of the tears coming down my cheeks. I am ok with the idea that we are done having babies but I guess it really became real today. Now it all comes down to the fact that I'm a grown woman crying over baby toys!!! I know they are going to a home that will love them as much as we did if not more and yet I am still sad. Only a mother could understand this kind of growing pains...or maybe it's just me and I'm going crazy!
Monday, June 16, 2008
All I needed to know I learned at a funeral...
We've all seen those cute posters talking about how we learned everything we need to know about life in kindergarten but after the last few days I've experienced, I think I learned even more from attending a funeral...
As I sat there listening to all the wonderful things people had to say about Jason's Grandma Phyllis, I felt like I was hearing one of the best sermons ever said in church. I know most funerals are sad and depressing but this one was full of laughter and yes tears too. I heard stories of how Grandma always took care of everyone before herself and how she used to grow her garden, can the beans, and make huge dinners that could feed an army. I also heard how special she made people feel and how much richer everyone's lives are for having known her. I know mine is...
I found myself yelling at Janie today for breaking something, and without realizing it I was thinking back to something David had said at the memorial about how Grandma never yelled at them for an accident and that she was always reminding them that things are just things. They are never as important as people. I know we all know that, but do we really act out our days like we should?
On a day that was so sad, and a loss that was so large I had this overwelming feeling that I was being transformed in some way. I felt like I was given such a huge reminder about what life is really about and what is really important. In a world that is so easy to fall into the trap of wanting to be like the Jones' there was this amazing woman who had so much love inside of her for not only her family and friends but for God and His son that she couldn't help but to live a life they would be proud of. Not once at that memorial did I hear how big her house was, or if she drove a fancy car or had a big job title attached to her name. She lived for Christ and left a legacy for all of us to live up to. She will be so very missed...
As I sat there listening to all the wonderful things people had to say about Jason's Grandma Phyllis, I felt like I was hearing one of the best sermons ever said in church. I know most funerals are sad and depressing but this one was full of laughter and yes tears too. I heard stories of how Grandma always took care of everyone before herself and how she used to grow her garden, can the beans, and make huge dinners that could feed an army. I also heard how special she made people feel and how much richer everyone's lives are for having known her. I know mine is...
I found myself yelling at Janie today for breaking something, and without realizing it I was thinking back to something David had said at the memorial about how Grandma never yelled at them for an accident and that she was always reminding them that things are just things. They are never as important as people. I know we all know that, but do we really act out our days like we should?
On a day that was so sad, and a loss that was so large I had this overwelming feeling that I was being transformed in some way. I felt like I was given such a huge reminder about what life is really about and what is really important. In a world that is so easy to fall into the trap of wanting to be like the Jones' there was this amazing woman who had so much love inside of her for not only her family and friends but for God and His son that she couldn't help but to live a life they would be proud of. Not once at that memorial did I hear how big her house was, or if she drove a fancy car or had a big job title attached to her name. She lived for Christ and left a legacy for all of us to live up to. She will be so very missed...
Phyllis Eldene Lindal
October 6, 1916- June 9, 2008
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
A different world
I never thought I would be one of "those people"...You know, one of those moms that buys organic foods, wooden toys, cloth diapers etc. This has been a long road of coming to this point but I feel like a force outside of myself is steering the ship so to speak. I am extremely proud to be cloth diapering my little one. It's not that much extra work, and it's saves us money- oh and it's better for the environment too! I've stopped using my dishwasher (crazy I know!) and cut our electric bill by $30-$50 a month! This week I found myself giddy over a newly hung clothes line! What has the world come to!?! Every morning and every evening I actually enjoy hanging clothes for a few quiet moments to reflect by myself and I really enjoy the time I spend watering our garden in hopes of a bountiful harvest. Until then, I am searching out great deals at the grocery store. Just today I have processed over 10 lbs of green beans that are now ready to freeze for the winter! It's funny how life has a way of working itself out. I'm not sure how I got on the this journey to a more natural existance but I am really enjoying the ride!
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Memorial Day
For most people, this Memorial Day holiday is just another excuse to get a day off work. This fact seems to me to be a bit ironic considering what it actually stands for. Memorial Day is set aside to remember our fallen soldiers who were SO far from having a day off work.
This Memorial Day holiday I would like to remember just one of those soldiers who gave their life so that we could be free. I never had the pleassure of knowing my Uncle Buddy but I feel like he is still such a big part of our lives thru the stories and emotions that my Papa has shared with me. Buddy was his big brother and by the sounds of it a really amazing young man. I wish so much I could have met him but I was born exactly 35 years to the day too late ...
This day should not be about bashing political candidates or voicing our political views on the current administration. Today should be simply about remembering and being thankful. My Uncle Buddy was certainly not the first to die for our country and he wasn't the last either. Please say an extra prayer for all of our soldiers worldwide and be oh so very thankful for even the littlest of our daily freedoms that we all take for granted...
1923-1944
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