Real friends bring tea bags and toilet paper...

  I feel like I have lived a charmed life in some way, having never dealt with such huge losses in the way I have this last year. That's not to say I've never lost someone close to me because I have, but until last year it was much older family and never someone I've had such close relationships with. That being said, I have been learning a lot about the grieving process and how important it is to have friends that reach out at just the right time.

  Now, I don't want this blog to become something you dread reading. I don't want it to focus strictly on the losses my family has experienced this last couple years but on the other hand I don't want to ignore it either. I would rather be honest about thoughts and feelings and maybe help someone else that is going thru this or can relate. And don't get me wrong, there have been many blessing in our lives too and continues to be, intermixed with the sadness. Not to worry, we are taking notice of the blessings along the way too. But some days, the sadness just seeps in and seems to hover in my immediate area.There is no rhyme or reason and no pushing it away. Sometimes it just means having a blue day and allowing myself to feel it. It's not something that everyone can understand but when they do, it means alot.

Through all the loss and funerals and such, I've also witnessed some incredible kindness and love. I never realized how much it meant to get a sympathy card in the mail. How one little card can let a person know that someone else out there is thinking about them. The first sympathy card I got after my Gram's passing actually had a cloth hanky in it. Crisp and new and o so pretty. I ended up holding it thru most of the visitation and funeral as a reminder that I had people praying for us.

I don't know about you but  I know I never feel like I know exactly what to do when a friend loses someone. Will my meal be good enough? What if I show up and they are busy? I don't want to bother them. How can I help without getting in the way?

 Through all this, I have learned that it doesn't have to be some grand gesture, some perfect act of kindness... it just needs to be SOMETHING.... Even if it isn't the food you would normally eat, when a meal shows up at your door you welcome it in and enjoy it because you know that the person who made it or brought it just wanted to help and lighten your load. When my husband's grandfather passed away, their church family flooded us with food. Some in the form of meals and some that I would consider to be more filler- cases of water, cases of individual orange juice bottles, chips, breakfast foods and yes.... toilet paper! I can remember laughing about the toilet paper... but when you really think about it, it was brilliant! Within a matter of days of his grandfather taking a turn for the worse, my husband's aunt and uncle had 6 extra people staying with them and certainly no time to go stock up on things like toilet paper! All of those little things were lifesavers....

More recently, when my gram passed away, my mom's house was also overwhelmed with food. Friends from all directions brought in lunch meat platters, fried chicken with salad choices, and they all rallied to have a hot meal delivered for about a week after the funeral. Knowing that we had to eat was obvious but if we had had to make it, I really don't know that any of us would have gone to the effort. In times like that, you just go numb...

Some of things that were brought that really stood out to me weren't things I would have ever thought of. We got there (from west coast to east coast) within 3 days and already my mom's friends had her freezer full of frozen waffles/pancakes, her counters covered in breakfast cereals and a huge bag of misc tea bags waiting for those quiet moments that were sure to come. I think her friends probably felt pretty helpless and just went into their own personal cupboards and freezers to find things they thought we could use. I picture them in a hurry to help, arms reaching into their own kitchens so intent on getting to my mom's side.... Isn't that what we are supposed to do? As friends, family and Christians... aren't we supposed to just pull together and help comfort or sometimes hold up each other when we need it? It was all those little things that I think about when I am having a hard day. I took  a picture of the tea bags because at the time, they really struck a cord with me. They were something so simple but so sweet and thoughtful.





On the day of the visitation, it was pretty much a constant sea of friends and family pouring in the doors of that beautiful old funeral home.  Some were friends I hadn't seen in nearly 30 years, while some were friends from my parents' church who had never even met my gram but had traveled great distances to be there for our family. I have never really been one for going to funerals or viewings for people I don't know incredibly well but I have to say, I learned something thru this experience. I've learned that it's really not about the person that died... its about all the people left behind and that's not just including their immediate families. When you think about all the people that are touched by the life of one person.... there are so many people that are left to grieve when they are gone. Going to that visitation, seeing the family and friends that you don't get to see on a regular basis and getting to hear the stories and catch up on their lives too... that is so much a part of the healing process...


I guess what I'm trying to say, is that when you feel the need to reach out to someone who is having a rough day, or to someone that is hurting due to the loss of someone or just because of life that seems to be coming on too strong... follow that urge! If you meant to send a card but didn't and now it seems too late... send it! The healing doesn't happen over night, and many times the darkest hours are going to come long after the funerals are over and the meals/kindness have stopped.

I think one of the biggest problems in our world today is that we are so afraid of what others will think of us. I hope that people will look back on me as someone who cared... even to a fault. If each of us would just reach out to another person today, tomorrow and the next etc... can you imagine how much better our lives would be? That's what I try to remember on the hard days. When I look back on the many people we've lost in the last few years, I see people who cared. I see people who weren't afraid to reach out and help a friend. I see people who are no longer here on earth with us but I also carry the lessons they taught deep in my heart. I think we have all probably had people like that in our lives.... won't you join me in honoring them by doing something nice for someone else? Be the change...

I would love to hear back from anyone reading this. Feel free to share something thoughtful that someone else has done for you or something you did to reach out. It's not about bragging, but in sharing ideas. You'll never know how much your actions might inspire someone else...

     This blanket was a gift given to my Papa from the diner where 

he goes almost daily... 

6 of the workers came as a group to present it to him. 

You could literally feel the love walking in the door for him... 

                                   We should all be lucky enough to have friends like that!