Why is it that the pains of growing up never seem to stop? I expected the pains of growing up myself, the fights with girl friends, broken hearts from boyfriends etc. What I didn't see coming was the pain of watching my girls grow... As I write this I feel kind of silly but at the same time the emotions are so raw and very real that I feel pressed to get them out in words in hopes of lessoning the hurt.
For the last bit, as most of you already know, I have been really cleaning out our over abundance of "stuff". I truly want to be able to have a clean, clutter free house and I really do embrace the idea of a simpler life- it's just trying when it comes to letting go of the emotional attatchments I have on things. I recently heard of a family that is in great need for baby items which was just the motivation I needed to clean out and let go of things we're no longer using. It has been really freeing to make that stack of things in the garage grow and I have felt relief in knowing they are going to a good place.
Today was the big day to actually hand them over to my friend who is so graciously delivering the collection and unexpectedly I got this lump in my throat and I realized that I was giving away my baby things...the carseat that I brought both our girls home from the hospital in, the bouncy seat that they both had their first foods in and the ball toy that I remember watching a little boy I babysat play with and then both my girl too...why does it have to be so painful to give those things away? I wish I could be more carefree about this sort of thing and have less attachment to "things". I know they are just things and that I will always have the picture and the memories but I sit here and think of those things with no control of the tears coming down my cheeks. I am ok with the idea that we are done having babies but I guess it really became real today. Now it all comes down to the fact that I'm a grown woman crying over baby toys!!! I know they are going to a home that will love them as much as we did if not more and yet I am still sad. Only a mother could understand this kind of growing pains...or maybe it's just me and I'm going crazy!