There's a change in the air

Sometimes I wonder if I'm the only one that hates taking down Christmas decorations.... it's really not the act of taking them down and packaging them up for another year that I dispise, it's the come down off such a warm and cozy season down to an other wise bleak and dreary month of January. Everyone else seems to be happy to have the holidays over with, to get it out of site and move on and here I am on the 14th of January, just now taking my holiday decor down! lol We took our tree down last weekend but I have been dragging my feet on the rest of it...

I just woke up this morning, after a long emotional week (the funeral was yesterday) and decided that today was the day... there was a change in the air... I could feel it... So I dug out the storage boxes and packed away our treasured decorations. All the special little things that just seem to "make" the season... they are all packed away with care

It was almost exciting to get out something "new". I always enjoy setting up the buffet with pictures and the mantel with photos and trinkets we've collected too. I store my mantel decor in the drawers of my buffet so there are always little things that get lost in there, tucked into table runners and table cloths...so my display from year to year is always kinda of the same but with a different flare. :)  I was digging out some frames that I knew were in there and would go with my Valentine's theme, when I reached between two layers of a table cloth and found this... I knew just what it was as my fingers touched it and I had a big lump in my throat before my eyes even saw it...

This was the first wedding present we received before our wedding...I remember getting it and being so moved that it was so early and had been specially made just for us...This picture doesn't do it justice but it is simply beautiful... and was the first time I'd seen our names together and with the date like this... It also meant so much that it was from Aunt Joy.....

So once again, I had a good cry...

And just in case there is any question... I am not trying to wish this time away and rush the holiday of Valentine's day either... I want to enjoy every minute of every day with my husband and two girls.... I just love the favorite pictures and the essence of LOVE in the decor....I will take all these bleak January days... with high hopes of snow and warm days knitting by the fire place. We drink more tea and read more books and try to savor the stillness of the season.... I think these quiet reflective days make the spring and summer that much sweeter! :)

A black cloud

I feel like there is a black cloud hovering over me... I have felt it for a few days now and for once it's not because of my dreary location...it's due to loss...the kind of loss that has no words, no way of fully being able to describe it, no real relm of comprehension that life is changing and we can't go back...

I'll warn you now, and apologize for rambling... I just need to get this out in hopes of healing...

We take it for granted when we are kids. We get used to being able to count on certain things and don't realize that we are making memories that will stay with us forever...they help to shape us and give us a sense of belonging. I've been thinking a lot lately about what has shaped me as a person. The little things, events and people that have helped to make me who I am today. My very earliest memories are with my Gram and her sisters.... I look back now and I realize how lucky I was to get to spend time with these great ladies.

My Gram is the baby of two brothers and three sisters. I never got to meet one her brothers and the other one lived away, but those three sisters are so much of a part of my growing up and the memories that have been filling my mind these last few days....they are woven into my very being and the memories are so vivid....lunches out with them and my Great Papa Harry, visits to their houses (two of them being basically on the same street as us) and one amazing car ride to Florida for a trip to Disney..... gosh those ladies had some patience! lol

As an adult, I now realize how lucky I was to have such a sunny childhood, surrounded by people who loved me. I know it couldn't have been easy to have a toddler always in tow and I know they probably dreaded it at some point, just out of human nature, but I never felt it... I just always felt safe and loved and included....I have memories of all four sisters gathered around the table in a restaurant near a buffet... they were all cackling (I mean this in the nicest way) and eating and all was right with the world... that's how memories work as a child... you don't realize that they were probably frustrated with the day-to-day life like we are today, you just remember the good.... the smiles, the laughing, and the way they made you feel.

My Gram lost one of her sisters years ago, and Aunt Bern has been so missed...I remember thinking that I couldn't imagine life without her in it too... but new memories have been made with the remaining two sisters.... I long sinced moved away but those lunches I had with them still stick in my mind with such love... as do the lunches and visits we have when I return....

I am preparing to take my girls back for a visit for the first time since my gram has had her strokes and the dementia has taken so much of her... and those lunches are the a thing of the past now.... and would be lacking so much....a few days ago, my world lost another one of those treasured woman and my Gram lost another sister....

My Aunt Joy passed away at the age of 85.  Just saying that seems impossible. I can't seem to believe it. She's just gone and I keep waiting to wake up and have it not true...

Aunt Sis, Gram, Aunt Joy

This cloud just keeps hovering and I just keep praying for peace, glad that she's not hurting and never had to suffer. I know its being selfish to be so sad but I just can't fathom her not being there.... and I hope she knew how much I loved her... I love her... In the words of my seven year old after telling her about Aunt Joy.... " Ah... I miss her already"

If you are still reading this, I thank you for being there.... I just needed to get that all out and have a good cry... thanks for listening...

It all started when....

How many times do we look back on our lives and think "It all started when..."? Well, I can already see that comment coming true in our lives and I'm excited at the possibilities...

It all started when....

My first interested came when my Grandpa passed away. I know that sounds sort of odd but I can remember all of my Uncles standing in the garage deciding who wanted what of his tools. A few of them took a tool that they remembered him using or something like that but then there was a lot that they all decided could just be gotten rid of. Even at seventeen, I remember feeling this urge to hold on to it, to try and carry on a tradition I had otherwise never had any interest in. I remember seeing his work bench with wood parts already cut out and in progress for some bird feeders... it still makes me sad at the thought that he left something unfinished...I've often thought about those bird feeders and how I should make one like it just for some more closure.... maybe to prove to myself that I did it...

I'm so glad that I spoke up that day, and asked to have his scroll saw. I still to this day don't know why I did and then went on to feel bad for years because it sat in a box being unused. It would sit for about 6 years until I met my husband. Now I think it's pretty cool to think that a grandpa I wish I could have known more and my husband that I adore, would come together to teach me how to do wood working. We both come from a long line of "makers" and now we are both learning more and more so that this work of art isn't lost on our generation and so that it gets passed on to another one.

Well, if you've been following me for very long at all, you know that I am big into making childrens' toys... puppets, play food, and in the recent years... wooden. I've dabbled with the scroll saw, somewhat enjoyed the band saw and now fallen in love with wood burning!! I've had one of those junky ones for a few years, and it has served it's purpose well however I've been feeling lately like I needed to step it up a bit.... enter THE ad in the paper... THE ad that would change my toy making forever! :)

I was actually going to this sale in hopes of finding some woodcarving tools for my husband . The ad said that they had wood working tools but I figured it was a long shot at best. DH is always teasing me about why can't I find him good deals at yard sales! The tools I tend to find at yard sales are usually either way over priced or completely worn out and not worth the money... But still, I keep trying... and boy am I glad I did!!!

The girls and I went to the sale and showed up to a carport and cover porch FULL of old men going thru table after table of misc tools... now I'm not completely helpless when it comes to tools, but this was so overwhelming and packed that I decided just to ask. And wouldn't you know, they had just sold their nice wood carving set complete in a nice carry box?! I could have just cried.... until they directed me to the corner of the porch and said they thought there was some more up there... so there I am, in a skirt with two little girls in tow weaving in and out of old farmers etc (we were getting some pretty funny looks) to go find these other tools... not only did I find a set of carving tools for my hubby but I also opened an old plastic case to find what I was pretty sure was a more professional wood burning tool!!!! I asked one of the other guys shopping there just to be sure and it was!!!!!!  I went up to the guys selling it to ask him a question and he was a bit hard of hearing... instead he answered back... I'll take $20 for it! I thought I was going to fall over as I gripped it a bit tighter! lol

And so my newest obsession, uh I mean adventure, in wood burning began!

These were my first attempt at making peg dolls... I made one for each of my girls and they love them!! Now I am hooked and have been crafting up a storm!

We are big fans of Anne of Green Gables so I had to make Anne and Gilbert! :)

My friends saw my postings on FB and have been making requests for custom orders too! What fun!!

I'm having fun with the new challenges and my list to make keeps growing and growing...

I later found out that the wood burner and other wood working tools that I bought, had been used by an old lady that passed away. I had the chance to go in her wood shop and see some of the projects she had made... they were amazing in details, the kind that take your breath away. She too left a few projects unfinished... but I have a sense of awe... at the idea that these tools went from one crafts woman to another... and I'm proud to keep these traditions going... both for a lady I never met and for a grandpa I dearly loved...

Traditions are priceless...

Another moment in the recent past that has left a last impression on me and gave me the courage to try my hand at wood burning came from one of my VERY favorite fellow bloggers, MamaRoots! It was her article in Rhythm of the Home that first game me the confidence to try... just try to create something as beautiful as hers... not that I will ever be that good... but I tried and I loved it!!!

And bit by bit I am learning and getting better!! :)

I am just loving the learning process involved in working on wooden toys. I came across this post and thought it was really great! So if you're interested in making wooden toys... let me be the first to say... JUST DO IT!! Take the leap... cast your fears of messing up away... and see where the adventure takes you!!!

Someday you'll be able to look back and say "It all started when..."

Where were you?

Where were you when our lives changed forever?? I remember it like it was yesterday and can't believe it's been 9 years....

I think too many people have forgotten about that day, the images aren't so fresh and the pain has subsided....but it hasn't for the families that are still dealing with the loss....for the people that just can't forget...

Today I am saying prayers for those families, for the children and friends... Today I am saying prayers for our political leaders...Please join me...

Repurposed memories

I read about this giveaway over at Whatslifewithoutwhimsy and just had to check it out! I love the idea of repurposing something old into something new and useable anyways and to make a much loved clothing item into new gifts for so many is just great!!

I still have a sweater that belonged to my Grandpa....I can remember wearing it for the longest time and in some strange way, it brought me some small amount of comfort...like he wasn't really gone...I have since retired the sweater to a drawer in my dresser but there's still times that I take it out and just hold it...close my eyes and remember his big strong hands, or his deep hearty chuckle...and I still find comfort in that sweater....

What's something that you have that once belonged to someone else and how does it comfort or help you remember?

What it's really about

Me - " What do you feel when you see this J?"

J- " Umm... proud...I feel proud Mom."

How do you teach children to feel pride when they see a row of American flags? How do you get across the idea that Memorial day isn't just about a day off of work, or a BBQ or good sales at the department stores? In a world so full of "me me me" how can we teach our children that it's more about "them" and so many others who shaped the way our country is today and the way it will be tomorrow?

It's just something I think about...

On this day, find a soldier and thank his/her family...if you can't thank that soldier, thank their family for all they have sacrificed for us to have this day off work, this amazing place to have a BBQ with friends and the freedom to shop those sales...

A huge mix

As I sit here on the back porch, the house is spotless, the clock is ticking and we are just sitting here waiting to leave so our realtor can come show off our house for the open house that is to take place today....I am a mix of memories we've had here on this porch and in our yard and wondering what is yet to come for this place. Will we get to have the girls' birthday here one last time? Who else will create new memories here...will they feel the same peace we have in this spot on the porch? Will it become an oasis for another family that has been uprooted and find sanctuary within the confines of this fenced in privacy?
I try to take it all in and feel greatful for the time we've had here and the blessing this house has been to us when we felt like everything else around us was on attack...looking back our stay here has opened us up to so much growth and I'm so thankful for this time in our lives...

An educated man

I can remember the night we got the call like it was yesterday.... It was 26 January 2007, Superbowl Sunday. I didn't understand the magnatude of losing a grandparent before then nor could I have forseen the change in me it would leave forever. My grandpa was a quiet man who loved to work...He loved his family and God and he had something about him that made you feel safe...I don't feel like I ever really got to know him how I would have liked to but his death changed me in a way I will never be able to express...this song is as close as I can get....

Educated Man

by Hobo Jim

There were few books on his shelf
Zane Grey and a Bible
And nothin' else

He never went too far in school
Always thought himself a fool
So much he couldn't understand

Ah but give him a torch
and some metal rod
He could weld anything in this world by God
When it came to workin' with his hands...

He was an educated man

He was a master of his trade
He could fix anything ever made
With his hands.

Smarter than most PhDs
He could build anything you see
With his hands

He was an educated man

He never traveled very far
He only used his car
to pick up parts

And the only world he knew
was his shop and all his tools
And the work he'd left to do

Ah but give him a hammer and a box of nails
He could build you a wagon or a ship that sails
When it came to workin with his hands
He was an educated man

He was master of his trade
He could fix anything ever made
with is hands...

Smarter than most PhDs
he could build anything ever seen
with his hands

He was an educated man

While he was here
He taught me all he knew
And when he left
He left me all his tools

Here I am with his ol' chisel in my hand
carvin' here lies an educated man

He was a master of his trade
he could fix anything ever made
with his hands

Smarter than most PhDs
He could build anything you've seen
with his hands

He was an educated man...

He was an educated man...



I couldn't even explain it at the time, but something inside of me wanted his scrollsaw....I've carried to Missouri, Alaska and Texas...and now we use it to make toys for our girls. He would have loved them so!



Today the world lost another incredibly loved soul...my great Aunt Joyce... Time goes so fast and in an instant the world is a different place. Celebrate those you love while they are still living...call someone you love for no reason....give someone a hug just because...and always remember....

7 years ago today...

...I married by best friend!

Not so anxious

I know, I am probably the one mom on the planet that kind of dreads Christmas day. Yes, I am anxious for the girls to get their gifts and to see the look on their faces when they get that super special gift, but a little part of me is always sad on Christmas Eve. I am always sad about the projects I just couldn't get to, the thought of taking down our beautiful decorations and that idea that this warm and cozy season is over the moment the present are open.

In Alaska, things seemed to slow down a bit. People weren't in such a hurry to take it all away, they seemed to savor the cozy feelings indoors, as the feeling outdoors were much colder and what some would see as pleak. But living here, people seem to live life at a much fast pace. I can't quite put my finger on it but things seem to be more rushed and less savored. So for once last moment, I want to take in the views I see and the feelings that go along with them...tomorrow will be here soon enough!

This year we left Santa a Mickey Mouse waffle and milk instead of cookies!

Grow-a-Santa was huge hit! Thanks Toni!

Thanksgiving to remember

The holidays always tend to make me think of days gone by and miss the things that used to be. Usually the hurt is so strong and it clouds the day with longing.... this year was first for me....the missing didn't sink in until after it was all said and done! I'm making progress right? lol



This picture is one of my very favorites. It was taken on our last Thanksgiving in Alaska, on our way to share Thanksgiving with friends. J was tucked in to the sled with the pumpkin pies and we set off into the snow! I tend to remember things in colors. I know, strange. This day, altho cold and white, I remember in warm yellows...all my good memories are warm!



But this year, Thanksgiving was packed with so much excitement that the day was simpy full of good food, good friends and family and only thankful thoughts! I hope that all my readers (as few as there may be) had a wonderful day full of only new, wonderful yellow/warm memories!

The Torch has passed....

I have always been so fascinated by the Kennedy family. I can't explain it, but it's always been there. I never tire of the books and learning about their marks on history. I don't know if its because they are the closest thing we have to royalty or if it's just an honest interest in this family that has given so much for our country.
As I watch the final passing of a torch started so many years ago, my mood is somber. I have no connection to this man, and don't even share his views in politics but I have much admiration for a man that could give his life for public service. Sen Ted Kennedy has always had to live in the shadows of his famous brothers, but in reality it is him that has gotten to shine, to accomplish things in his life that they didn't and to live a full life. I try not to focus on his short comings, which have been beyond public too, but instead think of the incredible service he gave.
Today is not about politics, or being a Republican of Democrat...it's mourning the loss of someone, of a chapter, in history. I watch the groups of people on the sidelines who have been out in the sun and heat for hours and you know that they aren't all his constituents. They are simply there to pay their respects.
I hope that more people can realize that being an American isn't about being on the winning team, or part of the ruling political party. It's more so about our differences and embracing them and although we may not all agree with the politics of this Senator from Massachusetts, his views have done good for people and challenged others to fight for their views and reach their potential too...
I am so proud to be an American and thank all those, on both sides of the isle, for all they do to keep this the land of the free and the home of the brave.

Mixin' things up

I've been meaning to blog about this since we were in Montana and just haven't gotten around to it....Jason's dad came in from the garage and set this on the table asking if I wanted Grandma's mixer (his mom). I instantly got a big lump in my throat and tears in my eyes...I feel so honored that he would give it to me and SO excited to have a mixer!! It looks so cool in my new kitchen!

I know I could go out and buy some fancy new mixer but sometimes I don't always think new is better. I love the fact that everytime I use this I will have a constant reminder of an amazing lady...we all miss her so much!

Another day...

Another day I can remember waking up to a dark room, annoyed to be woken up early. Then came the news of the plane hitting a building and still feeling confused in my groggy state. As I crawled down the ladder (from a loft bed) the tv juiced up and my feet hit the floor and from that moment on my life was changed forever.
I can remember sitting there numb in front of the tv listening to the reports, watching the second plane hit and here the vague report of a plane gone down in western Pennsylvania. There was such uncertainty that day, and pure fear I will admit. As a kid, I remember asking people what it was like when Kennedy died or imagined what it must have felt like that day at Pearl Harbor. In my mind I guess those events had been romanticized (for lack of a better word) but now that I was witnessing history of this magnitude I wished I could take it all back...We can't and neither can the family and friends of people that lost someone. I was lucky, all of my friends in question were safe but so very many others weren't.
As we go about our lives, and for many of us we went back to our "normal" lives eventually (altho forever altered), please take a moment today, if not every day, and say an extra prayer for those families and children. Please for a moment, put politics aside and be thankful for the gifts we have as Americans, in the land of the free and SO VERY BRAVE! The people we lost that day didn't volunteer to die on behalf of our country but they still deserve our undying respect and honor. On the other hand, there are troops at this very moment still fighting for our freedom and for the memories of those fallen Americans. It doesn't matter what party we belong to, or what country we are currently standing in....we are all Americans and we should all be acting like it.
Please take a moment today to remember the images of those buildings. It's an image I don't think I will ever forget and the feeling of pure patriotism in the days to follow are something I don't ever want to leave me either.