Didn't have the heart

I know a few of you are probably wondering how things are going with our visitor and it's been a few days since I wrote an update. I just didn't have the heart to put it in print...somehow that makes things manifest themselves to be true and I'm still just not quite ready to give up hope...

We finally got to talk to the neighbor and breifly to her brother who "owns" the dog. He said that he paid $350 for her and has papers on her...he bought her to breed! Ya know how sometimes you meet someone and think "This person should never have children"? Well, I think that some people should never be allowed to have pets let alone breed animals!!! I just don't get it! Why would a person spend that much on a dog and then not take care of it?! He said that if he gave her away his wife would be upset with him (has she seen the shape of this dog!?#@!?) but that he'd bring us a puppy if she's pregnant! Can you imagine!? She's been running for who knows how long and if she is pregnant there would be no way of knowing what kind/s of dog the father was!!!!!! The guy was trying to get all the dogs out of our yard while standing on the other side of the fence so we never even saw his face but when Stephanie (our neighbor) told him that we'd been taking care of Rag-a-muffin (the dog) he said thanks and that it was fine that she just stay over here....What kind of dog owner/breeder (haha) could knowingly let their dog be cared for by a complete stranger!!!!! So, as things stand right now she is still in our house and has been exclusively since last Saturday. The owner is supposed to be leaving our neighbor's house in the next few days (as of two days ago) but we haven't heard a peep from them still! I am just sick and the girls are heart broken....but still a little part of me still has hope. She is inside all the time now...if I let her out she goes straight out to the bathroom and comes back moments later scratching at the door...and it's too stinkin' cold to let her stay outside all the time...I just don't understand some people...

I've been trying to put into words why I am drawn to this little mess of fur and even now I'm not sure that I even totally understand it. I've been doing a lot of soul searching these days as to how I can improve our home and my outlook on life in general and I guess you could say I had an ah-ha moment (as Oprah says) while watching Oprah today. I can't even remember anything that was said in particular but they were talking about spritual things and how we can absorb more of what is good when we are quiet and look forward instead of looking back.....I guess it hit a nerve with me. Since this dog showed up, I've only been thinking about the life we could give her, not the parts of our life that are missing (Alaska). I was listening to the show and had a light go off that I think I've been looking at this little dog and feeling true hope...not a hope that I tell myself to feel , but genuine hope....at that moment I looked down and she was sitting at my feet intently watching me put dishes away and her little face lit up when we made eye contact...she felt it too...

With every day that passes I get a little more hopeful. She's still here, maybe they will change their minds, and if not- they'll have to come to my front door and watch the girls say goodbye...

She looks like I feel most of the time and I want us both to feel and look better...if only we can hold onto the hope...please keep sending prayers out...my faith is in Him.